Nikhil and I, on most weekends, can be found roaming around the country looking for interesting things to do and wacky places to drink tea in. We are even experimenting on weekend travelling overseas. With the amount of travelling we do and the fact that we both work full time in advertising leaves him with little or no time to shave. Many a time, I mistake him for a homeless guy begging for food when I lay my eyes on him. There have been a couple of instances where I’ve either screamed in fright or thrown something heavy at him, for not having recognized him. I’m exaggerating, of course, but you get the idea. It gets really annoying when he doesn’t shave and gives lack of time as an excuse. So, I bought him an electric razor one day, and he complained that it’s too “itchy”. I don’t know what to do with him now. He’s walking around in public looking like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
I’ve compiled a list of 7 reasons why Nikhil should shave, especially because we travel so much. In no particular order, they are:
- I don’t have facial recognition software installed on my laptop and neither does he. (Remember the Saif Ali Khan ad?)
- I don’t want to retire for the night, look to kiss him good night and find a mini zoo on his face. I once found a colony of bugs in his beard that had evolved and were exploring their space program before I yelled at him and made him shave.
- I have the most difficult time recognizing him in public. I once wanted a photograph of mine to be taken on the beach, while I posed with my bicycle. When I looked up, I saw this disheveled homeless guy with an ugly beard fiddling with my camera. I screamed bloody murder and ran after him, only to realize it was Nikhil. I beat him senseless, just for that.
- When we are at airports, we can never pass a security check without incident. Nikhil’s always mistaken for either a homeless guy who wandered in, or a terrorist plotting to blow everyone up, with a bomb hidden in his beard.
- He keeps experimenting with the way his stupid facial hair looks like. He once walked around with what he called the “Pharaoh Look”, with a thin strip of hair running from his lower lip to well below his chin, and I took one look and thought there was a centipede climbing into his mouth. I almost threw a book at it, trying to kill it.
- Once in Goa, when we were trying to find our way back to a friend’s place at night and were lost on the highway, we stopped our car to ask for directions at a roadside dhaba. He went in, opened his mouth and was chased out before he could get two words out. I had to intervene and convince the waiters who had chased him that he wasn’t there to steal food. I made him shave his beard the minute we got home.
- We live in a Christian locality of the Mumbai suburbs. Whenever we go out, small kids from the nearby convent point at him and shout, “Jesus!” And Nikhil finds it funny. I don’t.
If there was a way I could irradiate this guy’s face so that hair never grows again, I would. But I do love him despite his quirks, and I don’t want to deny him the pleasure of being yelled at by me. And the pleasure of shaving – I know he loves to shave, only experiments with funny facial hair designs.
Any other reasons that you can think of, please include them in your comments. I need tips. And badly. My face is starting to itch. 😉